The Cat King's New Clothes
by Nanenna
Summary: Summary: A vain king, a kingdom where magic is common place, a pair of swindlers... a horrible recipe for the king but a great boon for a pair of clever swindlers.


Once upon a time there was a king who thought very highly of himself. He rested easy in the belief that he was beloved of his whole kingdom, he had no doubt his every idea and whim were brilliance, and he knew for a fact that he was a handsome, desirable Cat that every maiden in the kingdom was swooning over. He would spend hours in front of the mirror before court every day, having his fur brushed and brushed and brushed, then trying on this bit of jewelry or that lacy collar until he found just the right accessories for that day. One day, while only two hours into his morning grooming, his most trusted adviser came into the room and coughed politely into a paw.

"Your majesty, there are some visitors who wish to speak with you."

"Oh? Who are they?"

"I'm not sure, they insist they're very important and you'll want to speak with them."

"If they were that important you'd know who they are. These visitors can wait along with the rest of the court."

"As you wish," Natori said with a bow before leaving the room.

Some time later the king was finally ready to be seen by the world and marched proudly out of his room, two Cats following behind to hold up the heavy train of the royal cape he had decided to wear that day. He sat on his royal throne to hear the complaints and requests brought before him. There were not very many that day (in truth there were never very many for the Cat Kingdom was a peaceful place, perhaps why he had the free time to spend admiring himself) so the two visitors were second on the list and soon stood before him.

The king looked over the visitors and wondered why they thought they were so important. The bird was certainly interesting, there were few brave or foolish enough to come to a kingdom of Cats and it was easily half again larger than any crow he'd ever seen before in his life; but the fat, grumpy, white Cat standing next to the crow looked like any commoner in his kingdom, common enough that he already seemed familiar.

"Your majesty," cooed the Crow as he held his wings out for an elegant bow.

"Yo," said the Cat with a raised paw.

"Who are you and what do you want?" the king asked in a bored tone before sipping from the drink next to him.

"My name is Toto and my companion here is Muta, we are a pair of weavers who have come here to off you our services."

"Why should I want your services when I have the best weavers and tailors in the kingdom already working for me?"

"You've heard of the tale called _The Crane Returns a Favor_ , haven't you? And swan maidens with their fabulous cloaks? Well if you haven't noticed Toto's a Crow and those are easily twice as clever as a crane or a swan, just imagine what he can make."

Toto stepped in front of Muta, putting his wings up to block him from saying anything else. "What he means is that I can weave magic cloth that is both beautiful beyond compare and is invisible to those who are unfit for their profession."

"Or stupid," Muta added as he pushed Toto away from him. "Stupid people can't see it either."

"And light as a feather," Toto continued with a glare thrown Muta's way. "When you have clothes made of my magic cloth on it feels like you're wearing nothing at all."

The king mused on this, the way some clothes pulled and pinched at his beautiful fur was truly an annoyance, clothes that were lighter than air sounded like something worth trying. "Very well. Natori, give them a chamber to work from, I want to see what this magic cloth can really do."

"Yes your majesty," Natori said from the side lines. "Natoru, take them to the third guest chamber."

"Certainly! Right this way, gentlemen," another adviser chirped with a broad grin.

* * *

"How do you think my new suit is coming along?" the king asked later on as another golf ball was set up.

"I should think it wouldn't look like much at this point," Natori replied. "These things do take time."

"But they have to have something done by now, I want to know about their progress."

"I can check for you, your majesty," Natoru offered happily.

"Thanks, babe."

Natoru took the king's words as a dismissal and scampered off to go find the two visitors. Even before getting to the curtain that separated their work room from the rest of the palace, Natoru heard the massive argument brewing inside. Inside the room Toto was fluttering over Muta's head while Muta had his paws up, ready to box the Crow as he swooped in for another swipe.

"Come down here and say that to my face, worm breath!"

"I would but your face is lost on all that fat!"

"Oh my, my, my!" Natoru exclaimed in dismay.

Somehow the duo heard Natoru's words over their fight and both immediately stopped. "We were just taking a break," Toto blurted out as he landed on the floor.

"Arguing's good for taking breaks," Muta added.

"Gets your heart pumping and your mind churning."

"Shakes up the liver."

"It's good for the digestion."

"Is it really?" Natoru asked. "I had no idea. Well, the king wanted me to see how his new suit is coming along."

"Oh, splendidly!" Toto exclaimed with a clap of his wings. He led Natoru over to one of the looms set up in the room and motioned to the empty space, "See how far I've come on his shirt? I had thought at first that a sun burst was only fitting for a king, but since he's the Cat King I decided a moon made of actual moonbeams would be better. See how the stars about her glitter?"

"And I'm already half way through his cape," Muta declared proudly from the other loom, which was equally empty. "Since his shirt has the moon on it we went with something more uh… what's that word again?"

"Abstract," Toto supplied.

"Yeah," Muta continued, "that. So I went for some curly cues to mirror Toto's moon motif." Muta had wrapped one arm around Natoru's shoulders as he pointed at different spots on the empty loom with his great, fat paw.

Natoru nodded as the Cat and Crow continued to talk, everything certainly sounded beautiful beyond compare.

"What do you think?" Toto asked after they seemed to have exhausted themselves.

"Oh it's beautiful, absolutely beautiful. His majesty will be so pleased!" With a wide grin, Natoru turned and scampered out the room to go find the king and tell him about the beautiful clothes.

* * *

"I haven't heard about my new outfit in a while," the king said a few days later once court was done for the day.

"They only took all your measurements yesterday," Natori said as he looked something over on his clipboard. "I'm sure it'll be done soon."

"Go check on them, I want to hear more about this amazing suit."

"As you command," Natori bowed to the king before going off to find the two visitors.

He walked into their work room to find Muta busily pinning nothing to a dress maker's mannequin while Toto was steadily passing a shuttle back and forth over an empty loom. Natori stopped and blinked once, then twice. Surely these two wouldn't still be here if they weren't telling the truth, and Natoru had said the cloth was beautiful beyond compare just as promised. Not to mention one couldn't pass a shuttle through empty air without it falling to the ground. Natori adjusted his glasses and leaned closer to the mannequin, the pins weren't stuck in the mannequin itself like a pin cushion either, but seemed to be floating just above it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Muta asked with a broad grin plastered across his face. "This is gonna be the overcoat, aren't those buttons sparkly? Bird brains like Toto always love-"

"I heard that!" Toto called from the loom.

"… Always love sparkly things," Muta continued loudly. "How he makes them is a family secret, even I don't know."

"And you never will with that attitude," Toto called cheerfully. "Send him over here, I want him to see what the king's hose will look like."

"Hose?" Natori asked in a mixture of horror and intrigue. "You don't expect his majesty to actually wear hose, do you?"

"Why not? It's a part of the whole," Toto said. "Where I come from a king isn't properly dressed without at least five layers, I think we're showing remarkable restraint."

"Overdressed peacocks if you ask me," Muta muttered.

"Oh, you finally learned the name of a bird besides a chicken! I guess your brain isn't made entirely of pudding after all."

"Well, I think I've seen quite enough. Keep up the good work." Natori slipped out of the room, and dusted off his robes. The sounds of another argument faintly followed Natori up the hallway and around the corner.

* * *

The Cat King was pouting into his dinner as the chatter of the other nobles rose around him. The king only glared moodily into the distance as the chef standing behind the king gulped nervously.

"What's the matter, your majesty?" Natori asked as he leaned over the king's shoulder.

"The parade is tomorrow and I still haven't seen a single piece of my new suit yet."

"The weavers insist that you not see it until the whole thing is finished."

"Well the unveiling is supposed to be tomorrow, it should be finished by now!"

"The staff say those two are working night and day, they continually hear the snipping of scissors and the rustle of fabric from their work room."

"And yet it's still not ready, I don't see how I can have my parade tomorrow if they're not finished by now."

"They both assured me they're just doing the finishing touches now, and I can assure you that every noble, adviser, and staff member you've sent to check on the progress all say the suit will be the crowning piece in your wardrobe."

"If you say so," the king grumbled as he speared a roast mouse and held it up to sniff at.

"If not, you can always banish them, or send them to the dungeon, or any other punishment you can think of."

"You're right! Thanks, Natori. You always know just what to say."

"You're quite welcome, your majesty."

* * *

It was the day of the parade, the grand unveiling of the Cat King's new suit, and he was starting to have second thoughts. "I have to wear those?"

"Yeah," Muta grunted as he held up a pair of oddly shaped garments made from silk. "To give the whole thing the proper shape."

"You're sure?"

"Quite, your majesty," Toto said as he peaked out from behind a curtain, the king's new suit was said to be behind the curtain so the surprise wouldn't be spoiled. "If you don't wear those, the whole thing won't keep the proper shape. The only failing of my wondrous fabric is that it is so light and airy that it doesn't keep its shape very well, and you wouldn't want your sleeves to droop, would you?"

The king sighed, "If I must."

It took quite a while just to get the under things on. The king grumpily looked at himself in the mirror, the two pieces didn't even meet in the middle and his fur was sticking out at all angles from between them. "I look ridiculous."

"So does everyone in their underwear," Muta replied as he held nothing up for the king to inspect. "It'll all be covered by the suit. Now, hold out your arms so I can put your shirt on."

The king's eyes bulged, he couldn't see a shirt. He looked back at his attendants who were all oohing and aahing over the shirt or commenting on which piece was their personal favorite. The clothes were real, they had to be… but the king couldn't see them. 'Oh dear,' the king thought, 'and Lune's away. I can't let them know or there'll be a revolt before he gets back.' The king held out his arms and allowed Muta to carefully dress him as Toto handed over more empty air. When they were done the fur sticking out from his middle was laying down as if under some kind of weight, and the king's attendants were admiring his suit louder than ever. 'It must be real,' the king thought in despair as he turned this way and that to better admire himself in the mirror.

"And now you hold the train," Toto said as he and Muta trailed along to the noblemen behind the king. "Be very gentle, such light fabric is quite delicate. Yes, that's perfect."

"It does my heart good to see all our hard work paying off," Muta said as he wiped empty air from an eye.

"It's time for the parade to start," Natoru called from beyond the curtained doorway.

"Let's get going, then." The king puffed up his chest and marched determinedly from the room.

It was to great fanfare that he left the palace, the road through his kingdom was tightly lined with Cats who had come from far and wide to see the rumored magical clothes he was showing off. They had gotten just far enough for the whispers and eerily silent crowd to unnerve the king when they met a procession going the other way.

"Father, what's going on?" prince Lune asked from the head of the other procession. "Why are you strutting about in those strange underthings?"

"The prince can't see his majesty's clothes!" someone in the crowd called in shock.

"Well that's a relief, 'cause I can't either," someone else commented.

"I'd call you a fool but I can't either," their neighbor commented. Soon there were murmurs all up and down the crowd that no one could see the magnificent suit the king was supposed to be wearing.

Lune's good friend, the Baron von Gikkingen, stepped forward from the prince's procession and took off his coat to lay it over the king's shoulders. "Sylvester, what happened while we were away?"

"A pair of weavers promised to make me a magic suit," the king mumbled abashedly.

"It seems you've been swindled, let's get you back inside the palace and out of those ridiculous clothes."

"But the parade," the king protested feebly as Baron gently led him back towards the palace.

"Lune can finish it for you, the people will be happy to see him home."

"And I'm sure they'll be happy to meet my lovely Yuki," Lune added as he smiled down at the pretty white Cat hanging off his arm.

"Well, alright then." The king allowed himself to be led away by Baron, who gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

* * *

 **Notes** : A prompt done for anonymous on Tumblr: Hans Christian Anderson's The Emperor's New Clothes. Pairing up CK and Baron is right up there with Ozai/Tree so far as crack ships go, but it turned out to be surprisingly cute. And it seemed pretty obvious that Toto and Muta were too perfect for the swindlers, I couldn't not use them! I also want to note that Toto and Muta were using a trick loom and simple tricks on Natoru, not actually making invisible cloth or using magic of any kind. You can also easily make the king's fur look like it's under a weight just by pushing it down with your hands- er... paws. I wonder if they've pulled this swindle off before...

The Grateful Crane (Tsuru no Ongaeshi) is a folktale about a crane who disguises herself as a woman and weaves beautiful cloth from her feathers until her true identity is revealed. I had already chosen to refer to this tale when I went to research it and found out just how similar a title it is to the Cat Returns so of course I had play with that fact! And also swan maidens are known for their magnificent feather cloaks, but that's not really related at all. I'm just sad that I can't end it with "and they all lived happily ever after" because well... it's not that kind of fair tale despite actually starting with "once upon a time."


End file.
